Reflecting on Nancy

When I moved to San Francisco, I was in my early twenties and didn't yet have a whole lot of life experience or role models in my life. Nancy was my first really strong female role model for me. She was bold, fearless and spoke her mind. I really didn't know it was ok to speak my mind without fitting my behaviors around what other people wanted me to be. You can be like that? Scandalous!

I learned so much from Nancy, she's just this wealth of information. As Nancy would say, "Kidneys..." and point to her head. That became such a phrase that I almost forgot that was actually the punchline of a joke that goes something like this: Some blonds are being interviewed for a job and the interviewer asks each one to name the parts of their arm. They all label them wrong, "umm, truck... orange... tulip?" except for one blond who gets it right on the first try, "Wrist, elbow, shoulder!" They ask her how she knew all that and she points to her head and says, "kidneys!"

She had a lot of one-liners that she would use in any given situation, sometimes even randomly while she was working at her desk. Here are a few little gems.

Oooops.... Oooops.... ooops! ooops! ooops! (her reenactment of the guy in the news who "accidentally" stabbed his wife 50 times)

Jesus Mary and Joseph!

Christ in a Sidecar!

Get on that!

I Don't Care About My.... SHOOOOOOOOOOES (describing people barfing)

No tongue! Enormous Schvonschtooker, Put Ze Cendle Beck! (all from Young Frankenstein)

I find the question distasteful. (Harold and Maude)

I hate people when they're... NOT POLITE! (Psycho Killer lyric)

This is not my beautiful wife! (Letting the Days Go By lyric)

Good on ya.

All good things...

I'm in favor of that.

Not that I'm... BITTER!

Back Atcha, babe.

Showin' our support and maybe our underwear... (any time we saw live music)

Almost every awesome restaurant in San Francisco, I learned about from her. King of Thai Noodles, Brandi Ho, Firewood Cafe, Crepevine, No-Name Sushi, Golden Deer, just to name a few. I have no idea how many times we went to King of Thai and she always got the Roasted Duck Noodle soup. Sometimes I'd call her up for suggestions. when Josh and I were first dating, I called her up and said, "We're in the mood for pho, where should we go?" The Golden Deer became our SF pho place. One time, at Firewood, we were waiting for our food and talking and she suddenly yelled out "OW!!" off the top of her lungs and dove across her bench seat. Turns out I had accidentally just squirted lemon juice from my ice tea, directly across the table and into her eye. haaa haaaa OOPS!

She always made the best food, too. Invariably, when someone asked where she got the recipe, she would proudly say, "It's Fannie Farmer!" Whenever we would have brunch at her house, she always made the cornmeal pancakes with jam and sour cream on the side. Those are the best. And she always said, "I find that adding an extra egg to the recipe adds just that little bit of richness it needs." Her coconut cake and her chocolate cake were beyond good. People always asked for the recipe. I finally got it and made it a few times and people asked me for the recipe too. Oh, and her magic punch. Nancy's Magic Punch. Champagne, gingerale, and brandy. "Even men like it!" Yes, that's because it sneaks up on you and then knocks you on your ASS. Yesterday she told me I could have her Fannie Farmer cookbook. And she made sure to tell me, in her labored breath, "you just... have to add... an extra egg... to the pancakes..." Yes, Nancy. Got it. I'm on it.

She was a boisterous woman to be sure. she never held back, ever. She had the best laugh and it was infectious. When Episode 1 of Star Wars came out, Samuel Jackson was a surprise element. When his face appeared at the Council Meeting, she belted out, "HAAA!" so loud, the whole theater heard. She thought it was pretty ridiculous to see him sitting next to Yoda. She was always the person with the big obnoxious laugh in the movie theater.

She introduced me to music that I hadn't really heard before. The Beatles, Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, Nina Simone, Eartha Kit, Yma Sumac, Richie Havens, Cat Stevens, Blossom Dearie, Talking Heads, even Skankin' Pickle and Squirrel Nut Zippers. This was the soundtrack to my years working with her at the Music Department. She wasn't much for music beyond the seventies, in fact one of the nurses asked her what she was listening to in her iPod and she said very matter-of-factly, "Funky Soul." But I did manage to get her into a few newer bands. Off the top of my head, she liked Weezer, Radiohead, and Chris Isaak.

Nancy always believed in me. No matter what I said I wanted to do, she would tell me to "get on that, would'ya?"

She is such a guiding light in my life, I don't know what I'm going to do without her advice. When things went wrong, I went to her. When I needed to know some piece of useless trivia, I went to her. There is so much more I could say, so many memories.

Yesterday I went over to the hospital on my lunch and she was breathing with difficulty but still totally Nancy. I had been trying for days to tell her everything she meant to me and thank her for everything but I kept on getting choked up and would chicken out. Yesterday I was holding her hand and I blurted out, "Ok, I know I'm not supposed to cry but I'm going to! and you just need to let me tell you how important you are to me." She said, "Oh course you can cry! This is a big event!" I told her basically everything that I have written above and she kept agreeing and saying, "Back atcha, babe" She told me I had made a huge impact on her life as well and that she was so glad for our friendship. I told her, "Back atcha, babe." I stayed with her for a few hours while she rested and other people came to visit her. When I left to go back to work I gave her a hug and a kiss like always, and told her I loved her. I said, "see you tomorrow" and she said, "I'll be here" and blew kisses at me as I left. Shortly after that, she asked for the morphine drip and went to sleep. She slept until she passed away at 2am.

I love you Nancy. Come haunt me soon. I'm going to make all my picture frames crooked just to bug the crap out of you so you'll visit me soon. If that doesn't work, I'm leaving out that extra egg when I make pancakes. Don't make me do it, Nancy!

-Janice